Since I had a lot on my mind and this was way too much to post on Facebook, I figured I would just put it here. :) It's been a LONG time, I almost forgot about this blog!
So first off, I have a confession. I’m pretty sure I have become addicted to staying up after everyone in my house has gone to bed and just enjoying the quiet and time to myself...for hours. That means I stay up way too late and will be tired tomorrow because we all know kids don’t sleep in.
But this week I’ve found myself thinking a lot during these times. Reflecting and thinking. I’ve been making it a point this week to read my Bible. Let’s just be honest, it’s been rough lately and it’s really started to affect me mentally, emotionally, physically. So I knew my first step to get this corrected was to have my quiet time each day with God. We are following a New Testament only Bible reading plan so it’s been shorter readings each day, and I don’t get too overwhelmed with trying to keep up. But that has been a really sweet time. Then I also have been reading another book, just a couple pages at a time or maybe even a chapter at a time if I’m not feeling tired yet. It’s called Grumpy Mom Takes a Holiday by Valerie Woerner. It’s almost like me and this woman are twins. Or does she just have spy gear watching me and know what’s going on and what I’m thinking. It’s so relatable and comforting. My favorite part is that she points out things about being a “grumpy mom” but then points you to scripture to move away from the grump and towards the joy of parenting and really the joy in loving a life as a Christ follower. Just what I’ve needed. Not that I’m over it all and instantly better but, it’s pointing me in the right direction at least.
I’ve also spent a lot of time reflecting on my boys lately. We’ve been looking at old photos and videos of them and I almost weep at how big they have gotten in a short time and how fast it goes by. Then I slip into regret of not doing this or that with them. Or I worry that I didn’t do things exactly the same way with a Deacon that I did with Griffin. It’s exhausting to be in my brain some nights! Then of course there is all this covid 19 stuff and fear starts to creep in. When will it ever end and what will that look like? What’s the purpose of all this? What, God, do we need to learn or do to fix all this? Then I worry about my family and friends and what they might be going through since we haven’t seen each other much and don’t talk often enough.
I could go on and on and ramble about all the things that run through my mind, but I won’t. But as I was reading the Grumpy Mom book tonight I was reminded...it’s not my job to fix everything that is going on. But that’s my natural tendency. When something is off, I notice it rather quickly and then want it fixed almost instantaneously. That’s exhausting as a parent, especially with little ones who don’t communicate well and you just want to fix why they are crying, and do it quickly. But what struck me tonight was the idea that maybe the intent isn’t for me to fix the issue I see. I’ll just quote what Valerie said in her book “...many times what we see as the problem is not what the Lord sees as the problem.” She also said “hiccups in parenting aren’t just things that push my buttons. They’re opportunities for me to grow.” God is continually shaping me, molding me, chipping away at my rough edges to make me more like Him. But a lot of time I’m too focused on the issues in others to see myself and my issues. This week I’ve really been trying to focus on asking God for wisdom and not lean on myself, cause I’m a mess! I’ve been trying to do things by myself for too long. This strong independence in me has become a weakness instead of a strength.
So all that to say, we can look at the world right now and see lots of issues. But a lot of those issues I can’t fix myself even though I’d love to. I can’t make covid 19 go away. I can’t make people stop fighting. I can’t stop marriages from falling apart. And I can’t make people stop being ugly to each other on social media. And on and on. But what I CAN do is work on me. I can let issues around me teach me and mold me. I can ask God for wisdom in how to react and how to teach my kids. All this pressure to fix things shouldn’t be on my shoulders. I need to ask God to teach me and be open to take the answer from him, as painful as it might be. Chipping away at my rough edges can be painful! Another quote from the Grumpy Mom book, “if we stay open to the idea that there’s work to be done in us, not just those around us, we can be radically transformed.”
Oh and one more quote, this one really got me. I might have cried after reading it....”if you’re frustrated that you yell at your kids or you’re afraid that your kids will only remember you cleaning or working or spending time on your phone, take courage. This doesn’t have to be your story. We have a gracious God. Philippians 1:6 says, ‘I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.’ There is not limit to who we can become if we are willing to let God rough us up a little bit and cultivate something new in us.”
I hope that encourages someone. I want to be a good mom. I say that all the time, I just want to be a good mom. But first I should want to be a good Christ follower. It’s a lot easier to be a good mom if I’m being obedient to what God has told me to do. Instead of trying to do it all on my own.
So this is my advice to myself and anyone else going through something similar. Take a deep breath and lean on Him. Give him all your worries and frustrations, all your sorrows and fears. He can take them. He wants them. Daily. Hourly or every minute even if needed. Then trust Him to handle it and ask for wisdom and guidance on what to do next....then listen. ♥️
So first off, I have a confession. I’m pretty sure I have become addicted to staying up after everyone in my house has gone to bed and just enjoying the quiet and time to myself...for hours. That means I stay up way too late and will be tired tomorrow because we all know kids don’t sleep in.
But this week I’ve found myself thinking a lot during these times. Reflecting and thinking. I’ve been making it a point this week to read my Bible. Let’s just be honest, it’s been rough lately and it’s really started to affect me mentally, emotionally, physically. So I knew my first step to get this corrected was to have my quiet time each day with God. We are following a New Testament only Bible reading plan so it’s been shorter readings each day, and I don’t get too overwhelmed with trying to keep up. But that has been a really sweet time. Then I also have been reading another book, just a couple pages at a time or maybe even a chapter at a time if I’m not feeling tired yet. It’s called Grumpy Mom Takes a Holiday by Valerie Woerner. It’s almost like me and this woman are twins. Or does she just have spy gear watching me and know what’s going on and what I’m thinking. It’s so relatable and comforting. My favorite part is that she points out things about being a “grumpy mom” but then points you to scripture to move away from the grump and towards the joy of parenting and really the joy in loving a life as a Christ follower. Just what I’ve needed. Not that I’m over it all and instantly better but, it’s pointing me in the right direction at least.
I’ve also spent a lot of time reflecting on my boys lately. We’ve been looking at old photos and videos of them and I almost weep at how big they have gotten in a short time and how fast it goes by. Then I slip into regret of not doing this or that with them. Or I worry that I didn’t do things exactly the same way with a Deacon that I did with Griffin. It’s exhausting to be in my brain some nights! Then of course there is all this covid 19 stuff and fear starts to creep in. When will it ever end and what will that look like? What’s the purpose of all this? What, God, do we need to learn or do to fix all this? Then I worry about my family and friends and what they might be going through since we haven’t seen each other much and don’t talk often enough.
I could go on and on and ramble about all the things that run through my mind, but I won’t. But as I was reading the Grumpy Mom book tonight I was reminded...it’s not my job to fix everything that is going on. But that’s my natural tendency. When something is off, I notice it rather quickly and then want it fixed almost instantaneously. That’s exhausting as a parent, especially with little ones who don’t communicate well and you just want to fix why they are crying, and do it quickly. But what struck me tonight was the idea that maybe the intent isn’t for me to fix the issue I see. I’ll just quote what Valerie said in her book “...many times what we see as the problem is not what the Lord sees as the problem.” She also said “hiccups in parenting aren’t just things that push my buttons. They’re opportunities for me to grow.” God is continually shaping me, molding me, chipping away at my rough edges to make me more like Him. But a lot of time I’m too focused on the issues in others to see myself and my issues. This week I’ve really been trying to focus on asking God for wisdom and not lean on myself, cause I’m a mess! I’ve been trying to do things by myself for too long. This strong independence in me has become a weakness instead of a strength.
So all that to say, we can look at the world right now and see lots of issues. But a lot of those issues I can’t fix myself even though I’d love to. I can’t make covid 19 go away. I can’t make people stop fighting. I can’t stop marriages from falling apart. And I can’t make people stop being ugly to each other on social media. And on and on. But what I CAN do is work on me. I can let issues around me teach me and mold me. I can ask God for wisdom in how to react and how to teach my kids. All this pressure to fix things shouldn’t be on my shoulders. I need to ask God to teach me and be open to take the answer from him, as painful as it might be. Chipping away at my rough edges can be painful! Another quote from the Grumpy Mom book, “if we stay open to the idea that there’s work to be done in us, not just those around us, we can be radically transformed.”
Oh and one more quote, this one really got me. I might have cried after reading it....”if you’re frustrated that you yell at your kids or you’re afraid that your kids will only remember you cleaning or working or spending time on your phone, take courage. This doesn’t have to be your story. We have a gracious God. Philippians 1:6 says, ‘I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.’ There is not limit to who we can become if we are willing to let God rough us up a little bit and cultivate something new in us.”
I hope that encourages someone. I want to be a good mom. I say that all the time, I just want to be a good mom. But first I should want to be a good Christ follower. It’s a lot easier to be a good mom if I’m being obedient to what God has told me to do. Instead of trying to do it all on my own.
So this is my advice to myself and anyone else going through something similar. Take a deep breath and lean on Him. Give him all your worries and frustrations, all your sorrows and fears. He can take them. He wants them. Daily. Hourly or every minute even if needed. Then trust Him to handle it and ask for wisdom and guidance on what to do next....then listen. ♥️
Comments
Post a Comment