Ponderings of the Heart

As I was driving home from work Friday night to pick up my husband and head to a Christmas party with our Life Group I experienced what is beginning to feel like my best friend...worry.  I called my parents house to see how my dad was doing after his surgery on Monday and just to catch up.  Well, when he answered he didn't quite sound like himself and asked if he could call me back.  I said sure and hung up.  Well as the seconds ticked by, a bit of panic set in as I began to think about what could possibly be going on.  Was he hurt?  Did he pull a stitch?  Was he hanging some other sort of complication from the surgery?  Was something wrong with mom, or did Michael get in a wreck and was hurt?  Almost immediately after these thoughts started, I told myself "stop it!"  God is in control and He knows what is going on.  But those thoughts of what was wrong kept coming back.  So I tried texting my brother and all he knew was that m...

This time of year, everyone seems to be wishing others "blessings," at Christmas and with the new year.  This had me thinking one day...(yourself for this, its confession time)...it is so easy to see other people's blessings and wonder "why not me?"  I have learned that God blesses each of us in different way, although this wasn't an easy lesson to learn.  For instance, it's really easy to see other seminary students who get financial support from someone back home and us think "why don't we have that?"  Don't get me wrong, we have lots of support from home and plenty of friend and family that could help....but we have just realized that its is just not God's will for any of them to help us.  We don't receive financial support because God hasn't told them to give in this way.  Instead, God has blessed us in other ways-jobs, low debt, vehicles paid off, etc.  God is good...don't forgot this and be like I am sometimes!  He...

Cancer…this is a word that strikes fear in our heart with just an utterance, or even just seeing the word. My dad recently found out that he has very early case of prostate cancer, and so I have felt this fear with this word, really for the first time ever. Honestly, I don’t feel like it has sunk in yet. I am so grateful for the great news that this was caught early enough that it shouldn’t be a big concern, but it also almost masks the fact that he does have cancer, at least in my mind. This is probably a good thing given my tendency to let my human nature have reign and let worry take control. I told Trent, “I don’t want to say ‘my dad has cancer.’” But given the facts that is the reality. I think it also makes it surreal that we are so far away from the situation, so it almost doesn’t seem real. So in going through processing this reality, I of course went through all the human nature questions like “why him,” “what if’s,” and “is this somehow my fault.” But I have been amazed (I gu...

    Warning...the next few posts may be very honest and seemingly rambling...  I have read many blogs lately of friends just sharing what is going on in their life, even the bad stuff.  I have benefited from it greatly in that I see that we all really do have troubles in our lives and its not something to be ashamed of.  I can learn from others and then when I share others can learn from my troubles!  So...don't say I didn't warn you!  :)  Hope you benefit as I did from my honest and open friends.     Isn't it amazing how we so often have to go through a difficult and heartbreaking time to come face to face with the fact that we really are totally dependent on God?  We knew it deep down all along but just weren't living like it....until it all seems to crash down around us.  Not even literally...we just come to the breaking point when we have to stop and breathe and are reminded of who God is and who we are....

I was lying in bed the other night trying to go to fall asleep and I felt God saying to me..... Feeling burnt out?  Seek the source of light and He will light you up again. We don't make or produce light or fire.  We just hold the flame. We can either keep it burning or let it go out. We must go back to the source of light to start burning again.  

    Busy!  I think this is a word we are all very familiar with.  In fact, I can't tell you the last person who did NOT describe their life with this word.  We are all so busy with different activity or just with life.     Along with everyone else, my life has very much been this way lately.  Sometime I just have to remember in all the "stuff" going on to breathe...in and out....in and out.  And if you are anything life me, when you talk to someone else who tells you, "I am so busy," you think (to yourself of course) "his/her life surely can't be as busy as mine!"  But we all have our own "busys" to be about, they just look different.    Well in all thie craziness as of late, I have noticed that the one area that I slack off in is my quiet time.  When we get busy, start new tasks, of course something else has to be done away with or at least decreased.  I think about the typical college student and what I ...

As I was driving home from work today, I was listening to the Hillsong CD "A Beautiful Exchange."  I really like one of the songs on the CD, so naturally I turned to it.  Well God really spoke to me and I was overcome with emotions!  So I listened to it again...really soaking up the words.  It was just a great reminder of how Great our God is!  Here are the words to the song - "Forever Reign" You are good, You are good When there's nothing good in me You are love, You are love On display for all to see You are light, You are light When the darkness closes in You are hope, You are hope You have covered all my sin You are peace, You are peace When my fear is crippling You are true, You are true Even in my wandering You are joy, You are joy You're the reason that I sing You are life, You are life, In You death has lost it's sting Oh, I’m running to Your arms, I’m running to Your arms The riches of Your love Will always be enough N...

“Therefore, I tell you, all the things you pray and ask for—believe that you have received them, and you will have them.” Mark 11:24 We miss out on a lot of things because we just don’t “believe.” I started thinking about this idea after I heard a speaker this week (twice in fact). Tina Thompson wrote a book about overcoming and becoming “Released” from anxiety and depression and came and spoke at the seminary wives class and the staff wives fellowship at Bellevue. As I listened to her talk about being free from these things (totally free) the thought occurred to me. That is the reason it (whatever “it” is in your life) keeps coming back, why we just can’t seem to shake it. We don’t really believe we can be “completely free. The “it” in our life has totally taken hold of us that it doesn’t even seem possible to be totally free from it. When I think about being free from anxiety, I think more along the lines of “well it will go away for a while but will eventually come back. I am human ...

You know the phrase "when it rains, it pour?" Well, instead of this, I feel like the past month of my life it has been a constant rain, similar to the summer afternoon showers in FL we are used to. You could always count on it! Every afternoon in the summer it rains in Florida. It could be just a drizzle, or it could pour, but nevertheless, its gonna rain. Well, my life has seemed to be full of chaos over this past month. Just like that rain, I can count on something happening. Just when I get out of one thing and I think the coast is clear, something else comes along. I keep finding myself saying, "you've got to be kidding me!" Its just been one thing after another. Sometimes my thought is even "why me?" But, even in the midst of all this chaos, "you've got to be kidding's" and "whys"- I have always felt a peace! I am typically a worrier (not a warrior, but a worrier). I react fact and normally tend to freak out, then when...

So it’s been a while since I last posted a blog. I have been searching and trying to find something to post. But each time I felt it would be “forced.” So instead I decide just to wait on God and He would give me what to post in His time. Boy, this waiting stuff isn’t easy! So I have just been taking notes during my Bible reading and finally I feel like I have the “go ahead” to post. So this post will be just bits and pieces of stuff I discovered through my Bible reading (just as a reminder (for context of where and why I am reading these chapters, I am reading through the Chronological Bible…I may be a little behind, put I keep pressing forward). 1 Kings 8:62-66 "The king and all Israel with him were offering sacrifices in the LORD's presence. 63 Solomon offered a sacrifice of fellowship offerings to the LORD: 22,000 cattle and 120,000 sheep. In this manner the king and all the Israelites dedicated the LORD's temple. On the same day, the king consecrated the middle o...

Anyone who has known me for a while knows that I have a fear of bad weather. Even though I grew up in Florida and lived through lots of hurricanes, I still am scared! (In fact, I don’t know that I have ever slept a night through during a hurricane. It was my job to keep the night watch!) Well today, I got to revisit my fears. I had heard that we could have a small thunderstorm or some pop-up showers throughout the day, but what we got was totally different! When Trent came and picked me up for our lunch together, it was only sprinkling. Soon after we headed down the road, it started POURING! Then we ran into Wendy’s (yes, I know, a nice gourmet lunch). The wind was crazy and the rain seemed to be falling harder and harder. Might I add at this point that Wendy’s doesn't have walls, but instead is nothing by windows. So I can see everything that is happening outside. So we stand in line a while and finally order lunch. After we sit down, pray for our meal and start to ea...

This morning, Trent and I set off for our trek to Arkansas, the "big town" of Etowah to be exact, where he was preaching. I love to hear Trent preach, so I wanted to share what God spoke to me through him today. His sermon this morning was from the text John 11:17-36, where Jesus goes back to Bethany, where his friend Lazarus had died. He meets with both of Lazarus' sisters Mary and Martha, who are (naturally) grieving over the death of their brother. So, in short, the main message of the sermon was - in times of grief or despair, go to Jesus! Really, in general, if you are in need - go to Jesus! He is the only one who can meet our needs! And ALL of them at that!! --Specifically in this case, Mary and Martha were seeking compassion and completeness. Jesus had that for them...and only Jesus had it for them. They could be around as many people as they could find and still not find the compassion and completeness found in Jesus. Even though we can't fulfill thi...

I sometimes turn my ipod on to "shuffle songs" while I am at work and then listen with one earphone (so I can answer the phone with the other if it rings). Well today I did just that and heard the following song. It's amazing how you can hear the same song you have been listening to for years, but it sounds like its the first time you've heard it. This song by Casting Crowns follows the account in Matthew 12:22 when a man was full of demons....until he met Jesus. I see a great picture in this song of where our lives are before we accept Christ, and where we are after we give our all to Him. The question for everyone is "Do you want to be free?" John 8:26 says, "So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." Truly free! Romans 8:1-2 says, "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death." Set Me F...

So I was reading through Ephesians today, and really enjoyed it! Over the past month I have really been getting into the writings of Paul. The way he writes is so beautiful and yet pierces your heart as well. What I have enjoyed so much though is reading the whole books, so that I can get the whole picture. Ever since I started in January reading the Bible chronologically, I really have started to see the importance of context. It all fits together so much better that way! So here are a few "nuggets" that were spoken to me today in Ephesians. Ephesians 1:18 [I pray] that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened so you may know what is the hope of His calling, what are the glorious riches of His inheritance among the saints, and what is the immeasurable greatness of His power to us who believe, according to the working of His vast strength. At first glance, we would normally just read over this, without fully understanding what it means...or at least I always did. Bu...

I have recently seen a jump in the number of people I know who have blogs....I am amazed by each of them in their own ways - creative, beautiful, eloquent words, realness, fun...So from seeing all of these came the thought, "maybe I should try to do a blog!" Then immediately my reactions were 1)what would I say? and 2)when would I do it? But I know all these other people have busy lives as well and are still sharing their hearts. So as I was doing my Bible reading last night, I had the thought again, "I should do a blog!" I feel like God is teaching me so much through His Word (especially through reading it chronologically) that I should share it! Why keep such good things to myself? So this blog's purpose is not to be about me necessarily, but about Him! This will be also be a good tool for our family and friends "back home" to see what is going on with us and what we are learning in our new home. So I titled this blog "Ponderings of...